So did ya’ll see Dr. Phil Tuesday this week? He featured a segment entitled, “Unemployed and Under Fire” revolving around an unemployed husband of 3 years and his now-working wife. He was a six-figure IT Exec. in the Silicon Valley. Probably very high six-figures…the show highlighted the enormously extravagant lifestyle they became accustomed to having. Now they have what looks like a one room trailer somewhere. The wife has been working several jobs to keep up with what slim pickings they are forced to survive on. She is threatening divorce.
Hmmm…sound familiar?
Hey look folks, losing a job is not grounds for half of a person’s life; unemployed people lose enough going through this process, thank you very much. Joblessness carries enough pain, suffering and depression already; spouses, get a grip on yourself and try to support, encourage and suggest ideas and leads for your mate instead of coming up with ultimatums. And don’t tell us we don’t have jobs; even though we are unemployed, we are quite employable but currently aren’t getting paid for the effort. Trust me, we’re working harder and more intense than you’ll ever know. What I’d like to know is if the job market sucks as badly as it does, how do you make sense of the fact that spouses are going out there and literally finding jobs overnight and then looking us squarely in the face wanting to know what our problem is.
Here are the problems and how I can assist with the featured couple on Dr. Phil, who incidentally according to several media sources is having ugly problems of his own:
One – A man who says he’s sending out 70 resumes a day is not doing it right. There’s no way anyone can legitimately apply for 70 jobs in a day that are specifically targeted to that person. You and I can apply for 200 jobs an hour if we want, but we need to understand what we can and can’t do. I can’t imagine 70 jobs at his level in his sector exist! I suspect that this individual is just pushing buttons on his keyboard just to appease everyone so he can say look what I’m doing. He might be telling the truth, but “let’s get real!” Do you really think he is finding job posts that contain 80% of his qualifications? No.
Two – Computers don’t find jobs, people do. If this dude sent a million resumes through cyberspace, it still would only be a fraction of what it takes to find work. Get your butt out of the house and network; with the wealth this joker had and then in a span of 3 years squandered it, something was clearly wrong. Wealth is power and he should have been influential enough to have landed something sooner even if it was for less than his once-fat wallet. With his assets, he should have talked to his clients, vendors, service personnel – he had enough support there alone and missed the boat…or sank it. Three years ago Silicon still had some clout.
Three – Unless you’re making it as an adult entertainment provider, get your ass out of bed! According to the gentleman, he wasn’t getting up until nine; and his wife said on occasion she’d call him on it and his response was he wasn’t feeling well. Hey fellow job hunter – news flash…I have two pinched nerves, a critically ill parent, credit issues that could support a small town on my interest owed, family matters that go beyond any relationship-themed TV show and I’m sifting through emails by 7:30 each morning and sometimes weekends so buck-up buster and smell the horror.
Four - His wife said that he was faced with prostate cancer in the first year of his layoff; as I interpreted her explanation, it became more of an inconvenience to her but “gave him that” as something that got in the way of his search. He is healthy now, so what gives? I can tell you that my health issues are being translated in similar ways, but I at least am doing light years more than this man, so I have more ammunition as leverage against what ill feelings my family might feel.
Finally…compromise. You will never make your spouse completely happy in a good and healthy environment and visa-versa, so why would pay-death be any different? In fact, it’s now worse than ever, correct? I clearly need to work on helping around the house more; I’m home more so intuitively this makes sense. The problem is that although my wife expresses she understands my hardships, she is forever wondering why if I’m not commuting 3 hours a day and not taking hour-plus lunches and reading the paper, why can’t I find 30 minutes a day to fold a towel or empty the dishwasher or something remotely domestic and helpful? I can whole-heartedly, emphatically and exclamatorily say to you that I am helping out tons more with our children (which I consider bull’s-eye helpful and domestic) and can certainly try my college best to do more in the house if that’s what’s being sought, but here’s what I’m saying…
I know spouses are the ones getting the jobs and still doing all that they did before, but…please understand our position and instead of mocking, belittling and putting us down and threatening us with divorce, when we do something that helps you say thank you, give us a peck on the cheek and please don’t look at us like we’re doing you some herculean favor. We didn’t create this chaos; we are not the victims here. Let’s not go against each other but try to communicate and understand what’s important. Try to see our side as much as we are trying to see yours. Finding a job is twice as hard, if not more, than having one. We obviously take advantage of what we do have until we don’t. Let’s not take advantage of each other and appreciate what we can do for each other as opposed to what we can’t.
“You’ve got to accentuate the positive / Eliminate the negative…”
~ Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen
As Always, Thanks For Surfing My Wave!
Why Just Look For A Job? Create One!™
TheUnemployMENTOR – email@theunemploymentor.com
